Who Gets the Glory?

We all like praise and applause and kudos and pats on the back for a job well done. It feels good to be acknowledged, to be validated for your labor, to be recognized and rewarded. And there's nothing wrong with being honored for an accomplishment, or for honoring others. It's polite. A social nicety that helps take the sting out of the hardships of human life.

Photo by Diana Kathrina Leomo via Flickr

It's something we've come to expect, even demand. We acknowledge and reward and recognize our actors, our artists, our musicians, our straight-"A" students, our athletes, our CEOs, our politicians (to excess), our soldiers (not enough), people who stay in one job a long time, people who stay married a long time, people who lose a lot of weight, people who start a project and finish it on time... the list goes on.

So this week I had an opportunity to get offended. Ever have those? Recognition I thought I had earned didn't come my way. Friends and family were surprised, even angry on my behalf. (And you know, when your loved ones are angry FOR you, it makes it easier to get your dander up!) I brooded a bit, tried to ignore the whole thing, tried to pretend I didn't care and it didn't bother me, brooded some more... you know the routine. 

Finally,  knowing I was setting myself up for a big, ugly mess if I didn't deal with it NOW, I sat down with my journal to talk to my Father.

I wrote, "Papa God, You alone are worthy of praise, of worship, of honor, and of glory."

I paused. Pen to paper, as two words leaped out at me:

YOU ALONE. 

Now, I'd like to say I always get instant answers to prayers, but I don't. But this time, I knew I had my answer. The crushing weight of offense and hurt and ugliness lifted off my chest and I could breathe again. What a relief to realize I didn't NEED any human kudos. Any praise or honor due for the task in question belongs solely, completely, entirely to God. Without Him, I wouldn't have even attempted any of the things I thought I'd earned recognition for. Anything I've done right or well is due to the life of God that lives in me, the Holy Spirit working in me. 

He's the musician, we are the instrument. He's the carpenter, we are the tools. He's the author, we're the "living letters." Let's remember to give honor, when it comes to us, back to the One who deserves it. And if it doesn't come from others, don't fret, because it's not your problem!  

Why I Feel Like a Fraud

I'd be a terrible spy.
I hate feeling like a fraud, like my life is a lie.
Why do I feel this way?

1. "I am a writer."
I make this statement, to myself and to others, and yet there are many days I fail to write anything beyond a Facebook status. Other days I write paid articles, but even those days fail to satisfy that internal "I am a writer" definition.

2. "I am a Christian."
This one mostly strikes on Sundays. Because I'm not currently attending, or a member in good standing of, a local church. But does not showing up at the building and dropping my check in the bucket make me a fraud? Is my Christianity, my relationship with Christ Jesus my Lord, limited to me making an appearance at a particular locale? Really? That seems wrong. In fact, I know it's wrong. But convincing my brainwashed brain that it's wrong... challenging.

3. "I am a wife."
I've been battling with ovarian cysts (endometrial or hemhorragic, not sure which) since January. According to non-traditional medicine, said cysts are caused by "unresolved or unexpressed anger." Really? You think I have unresolved anger issues? OH. MY. WORD. Let's just say this... I don't have enough clothes that still fit to let the monster out. You've seen the Hulk, right? My monster? She's the Hulk on estrogen. We aren't letting her out, we're just going to drug her into submission, whatever it takes. Anyway, the whole cyst/pain/fear cycle has thrown my wifely role into a tizzy. So I wear the ring, hold the name, and feel quite completely like a total wife fraud, and it sucks.

4. "I am a mother."
Sure. I gave birth to these people. But somewhere along the way my idea of parenting equals children doing what you want them to do fell by the wayside. (Er, age 2?) Now I find myself playing defensive linebacker FOR my children. A lot. Which leads to spending a lot of time thinking about Moses whining to God about all the Hebrews, and Elizabeth explaining to her friends and family why her son was eating bugs and wearing weird clothes and living in the desert. Yeah. Liz, I SO get it. Can we have coffee some day in heaven?

Anyone else have trouble living up to the imaginary expectations you built in your head?

A Video Game (30 Day Drawing Challenge)

I'm going old-school.
This was my most favorite video game of all time.

Our other participants:
Niki Nowell
Bill Davis
GirlyGeeky
Free2B2Much
Niki Turner
Notes From The Backseat
Zoe Nowell
Marilyn Quinsaat [posting on Facebook]

The Boogeyman {30 Day Drawing Challenge}

I looked up "boogeyman" (alternately spelled boogieman or bogeyman), just to clarify before I started drawing. Here's what wikipedia has to say about it...

A bogeyman (also spelled bogieman, boogeyman or boogieman) is an amorphous imaginary being used by adults to terrorize children into submissive behaviour. The monster has no specific appearance, and conceptions about it can vary drastically from household to household within the same community; in many cases, he has no set appearance in the mind of an adult or child, but is simply a non-specific embodiment of terror. Parents may tell their children that if they misbehave, the bogeyman will get them. Bogeymen may target a specific mischief — for instance, a bogeyman that punishes children who suck their thumbs — or general misbehavior, depending on what purpose needs serving. In some cases, the bogeyman is a nickname for the devil.

Seriously? Terrorizing children into behaving? That's abuse, IMO.

My folks didn't use fear to get me to mind (theirs was a more complex cocktail of reward, guilt and obligation), but I had fear issues anyway. My particular boogeyman appeared in recurring dreams in the form of a Boris Karloff-style Dracula. I refused to draw him because to this day I have a niggling little concern that the nightmare will return.

Instead, I opted for the classic "monster in the closet" drawing. Not the Monsters, Inc., kind of monster (loved that movie, can't wait for the sequel!), but the icky monster kind. The kind my best friend recommended I use "monster spray" to prevent. That girl probably saved my 8-year-old sanity (thank you, Geri!)

Yes, my closet bogeyman looks kind of like a really grouchy fish, which may have something to do with our planned trip to the big aquarium in Denver to celebrate g-baby's 2nd birthday. I have fish on the brain.

Anyway... when it comes to boogeymen, I tend to think of the following song. I didn't know it until I was an adult with children of my own, but it carried me through a number of ugly, scary, stressful situations. It still comes to mind some mornings after my hubby leaves for work in the wee hours and I have to fall back to sleep till dawn.


Enjoy.

Our other participants:
Niki Nowell
Bill Davis
GirlyGeeky
Free2B2Much
Niki Turner
Notes From The Backseat
Zoe Nowell
Marilyn Quinsaat [posting on Facebook]

A Toy {30 Day Drawing Challenge}

I'm posting this particular toy not because I had one and loved it, but because I DIDN'T have one and loved the ones my friends had.

And guess what?

Squee!!! I'm off to the App Store to relive my childhood!

Our other participants:
Niki Nowell
Bill Davis
GirlyGeeky
Free2B2Much
Niki Turner
Notes From The Backseat
Zoe Nowell
Marilyn Quinsaat [posting on Facebook]

Me as the Opposite Sex {30 Day Drawing Challenge}

Another stumper.

Physically, easy. All I'd have to do is upload a picture of my third kiddo (the only one out of FOUR who looks like me... guess who had the dominant genes in our family?).

Mentally, emotionally, spiritually? That's an entirely different animal.

As an only child, I didn't have a lot of gender pressure growing up. If anything, I disappointed my mother by leaning toward the frilly and girly and feminine all by myself. I wanted dresses and ruffles and makeup... she wanted jeans and boots and cowboy hats.

What if I'd been born a boy?

I would have been a nerd. I know it. With glasses and weird clothes and my nose in a book. Hey, come to think of it, I was pretty much like that as a girl.

And as an adult? If I were a man?
The first thing that comes to mind is what life would be like without PMS. (Heavenly!)
The second thing is that I wouldn't have that mom-connect with my four kids. Some days that's a good thing, and some days I wish I could cauterize those invisible ties. (Not worth the trade, as painful as it can be.)
The third thing? I would still feel like a fraud and a failure... one who has failed to live up to potential.
Interesting. When it comes right down to it, I'd still "feel" the same way if I were a guy.

Wow. I just drew a picture of my dad 25 years ago.

Our other participants:
Niki Nowell
Bill Davis
GirlyGeeky
Free2B2Much
Niki Turner
Notes From The Backseat
Zoe Nowell
Marilyn Quinsaat [posting on Facebook]

First VHS/DVD {30 Day Drawing Challenge}

While watching a documentary about the '80s recently, hubby and I recalled the days when you went to the video store and brought home a suitcase-sized VCR carrier with your rented VHS tapes.

VCR = Video Cassette Recorder, right? But what does VHS mean? The abbreviation, which is now really an acronym, stands for Video Home System. For the old among us (as I was recently reminded by my Outer Space post), DVD stands for Digital Versatile Disc. Who knew? You can learn something new every day, no matter how antiquated you are.

I don't really remember the first VHS tape I actually owned. I remember renting Friday the 13th (the original, which was the only one, then) and watching it with one of my best friends, late on a weekend afternoon. It was approaching dusk when the movie credits started to roll and we breathed a sigh of relief. And then Jason leaped out of the lake... and my parent jumped up in the window, shrieking like banshees. We didn't sleep that night.

While I don't remember buying movies, I do remember ecstatically setting the VCR to record General Hospital (which I normally missed while I was at school); and episodes of Miami Vice and Dynasty to watch again and again, and Friday Night Videos on NBC (because we lived too far from town to have cable and Friday Night Videos were the only music videos I had access to). I was, at the time, the only person in my household who knew how to set the VCR. No joke.

One of the first movies I DO remember owning is Footloose (again, the original). Which feed did YOU want to be in that opening montage?

Our other participants:
Niki Nowell
Bill Davis
GirlyGeeky
Free2B2Much
Niki Turner
Notes From The Backseat
Zoe Nowell
Marilyn Quinsaat [posting on Facebook]

Useless superpower {30 Day Drawing Challenge}

OK, so I've fallen behind again. This time it's because this particular challenge stumped me. How can a superpower, by definition, be useless? Superpowers can be constructive or destructive, in my opinion, but not useless. And then I started to think about Jesus (the original superhero).

Multiplying food (loaves and fishes) is a positive, and very useful superpower, so that doesn't count.

Turning water into wine is a very useful, and positive superpower, in my opinion. I mean, who doesn't prefer wine to water? (Oh, hush.)

Healing, of course, is a wonderfully positive superpower and one that is close to my heart. I hate sickness and disease, and the destruction they wreak on bodies, lives, and families.

And then I thought about walking on water...

Don't look at the feet. Seriously. Feet are my failure.

24 Meanwhile, the boat was far out to sea when the wind came up against them and they were battered by the waves. 25 At about four o'clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them walking on the water. 26 They were scared out of their wits. "A ghost!" they said, crying out in terror. 

(from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

There are lots of things to consider in this story, without even talking about Peter and his faith and stepping out of the boat and looking at the circumstances instead of looking at Jesus and...

First, the disciples were believers in the supernatural realm... they acknowledged the existence, the possibility, of ghosts. Just a thought.

Second, Jesus wasn't into staid, traditional stuff. He stayed up all night (much like my college-age sons) and then decided it would be entertaining and/or educational to sneak up on the disciples, who had been out on the sea of Galilee all night in the midst of a storm. Jesus as a practical joker? Maybe. There's that story about him walking through the locked door to confront Thomas, too, you know. Honestly, I can't imagine my Jesus without a really well-entrenched sense of humor.

OK, so walking on the water requires superhuman power, right? Useless superpower? Yeah, unless you're rescuing people or something, but Jesus wasn't rescuing the disciples. They were straining against a storm, but they didn't need a rescue.

It's a matter of debate. Why DID Jesus go strolling out there in the middle of a storm in the wee hours of the morning? Just to show off? (Doesn't fit the character of God.) Just to prove and/or test the faith of the disciples? (He was much too nice in the face of their cowardice and fear if it was a test.)

How about this one... what if He took off walking across the Sea of Galilee in the midst of a squall just because it was FUN. Like supernatural body surfing, dude. Fun? God doing something for FUN? Is it possible? I think so, even though I am the WORST at doing anything "just for fun." In my heart, I know it's something I have to learn to value, like rest.

So is walking on water a useless superpower? Maybe. Or maybe we need to learn the value of fun. Just a thought, peeps, just a thought.

Our other participants:
Niki Nowell
Bill Davis
GirlyGeeky
Free2B2Much
Niki Turner
Notes From The Backseat
Zoe Nowell
Marilyn Quinsaat [posting on Facebook]